Healthy! This Woman Just Chose Chips Over Gummy Worms Because They Seem More of the Earth

Womanspiration

Inspiring! This Woman Finally Developed Her Own Style Outside of Current Trends and It’s So Ugly

“But, hey, if she’s happy, I’m happy.”

Womanspiration

Manifesting? This Woman Asked Her Friends If They Were Mad at Her So Many Times That They Got Mad at Her

That’s the Law of Assumption at work!

Living

How to Stop People Pleasing Unless Someone Seems Like They Want You to Start Again

Just confirm if everyone is mad at you by sending out a survey over text and email.

Womanspiration

Nice! This Woman Paid for Dinner so It’ll Feel Like She’s Earning Money When People Pay Her Back

“It’s a foolproof method for earning about $170.”

Womanspiration

Aww! All This Woman’s Favorite Foods and Activities Are Carcinogenic

“I’m 70% carcinogen right now.”

News

Study Finds Missing Sock Will Only Appear Once Matching Sock Has Been Executed

“It’s some sort of power dynamic or game that they’ve got going on.”

News

REPORT: Trump Spotted With Ominous Vultures Circling Overhead

“That man is a walking carcass.”

News

REPORT: Man Marries Up

Thoughts

I LIVED IT: I Had to Download the App

The webpage’s silence mocked me.

News

REPORT: Mom Thinks That Waiter Really Liked Her

They had something real.

I Lived it: Thoughts

I LIVED IT: The Plan That Was Far Away Is Now

“Still on for lunch?”

News

REPORT: Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Remember It That Way

“Well, that’s not true,” Thomas said matter-of-factly.

News

REPORT: Ankle Socks Only Used When All Other Socks Ripped, Burned, or Otherwise Dead

“If I’m wearing ankle socks, please check in.”

Living

QUIZ: Are You a Hypochondriac or Oh God Is It the One Time It’s for Real?

Did you start feeling these symptoms before looking them up?

Dude Corner Thoughts

DUDE CORNER: Hey, Have You Seen This Thing I Haven’t Started Looking for Yet?

I’m hoping you’ll go look for it, even though you are currently having a one-on-one with your boss.

News

Study Finds Wedding Will Either Inspire Woman to Marry Boyfriend or Break Up With Him

“Either it will be beautiful and reignite your belief in love, or it will be sad and existentially terrifying.”

News

‘I Don’t Care, You Pick,’ Says Friend Engaging in Psychological Warfare

“It’s clear now: my roommate is evil and is out to destroy me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.”

News

Woman Eyes Boyfriend Suspiciously After Realizing That All Her Exes Ugly

Lenore’s friends said that, yes, this obviously was the case.

News

REPORT: Young Woman Unfamiliar With Hope

“I’m well acquainted with your run-of-the-mill negative emotions like sadness, despair, and disbelief.”

News

Woman Unfamiliar With Positive Political News Throws Computer Out of Habit

“How do people process positive news?”

News

Zohran Wins Democratic Primary Despite Democratic Party’s Best Efforts

News

Woman Apologizes to Dead Bug as if Her Guilt Will Purify Her

“She apologized, but the spider was too dead to notice.”

Living

Uh Oh! Friend Scrolling Through Your Photos Getting Dangerously Close to the Ones You Took to See if You Are Symmetrical

Stop!!

Style

Woman Emerges From Thrifting Haze to Discover She Purchased a 19th Century Bathing Dress

“It seemed like a perfect wardrobe staple at the time.”

News

Awkward! Best Friend Just Referred to You as Her Coworker

“Take a stake and drive it through my heart, why don’t you?”